Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Randomize
