On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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