if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
