i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
