I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
