He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You were trust falling into bushes
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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