I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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