Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
