So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
