Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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