I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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