am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize