i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
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He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
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Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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