In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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