and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
