there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
