she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
