Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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