i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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