Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I see more hoeing in ur future
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
