Betty ford says i'm here all night
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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