If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
