this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
