i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
