Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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