good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you didnt know i had herpes?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
