can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
