i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
