I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm too high and old for this...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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