tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
where does the pee come out of this thing
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
