Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
