I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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