I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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