imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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