Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
