my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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