how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
They have beer where we have blood.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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