she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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