you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Shame - the story of my life.
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