i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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