I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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