didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
