never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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