You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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