No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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