party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
