By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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