Do you still have your period?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
