You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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