if you like me you must not know who I am
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
