We're facebook friends in real life
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
