Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
