I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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