you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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