Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
