i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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