i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
