it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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