I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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