Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
