vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
