The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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