i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
