he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
