I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
