1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
