You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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