hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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