At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
When are your genitals available?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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