let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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